Letters to Jory

I have been waiting for this day for two months.

There’s been a spare toiletry bag and a backpack full of clothes sitting in my bathroom armoire since the first week of March. The last two months my eyes and ears have been glued to phone screens and news radio hoping for the announcement that flight travel was no longer highly discouraged.

My heart is racing just thinking about it.

Your mom knows, and she’s been really awesome and cool about things lately. We’ve been FaceTiming up to four times a day the last couple weeks, and my god you’re getting so big. You read me a book today and you FaceTimed your cousin in San Francisco and when he told you he lived in California your eyes lit up and you screamed “HEY! MY DADDY LIVES IN CALIFORNIA!” I’ve double checked with your tio Lance three or four times to make sure the rental car was booked, we’re driving to come see you, the both of us.

I’m going to knock on your moms door and she’s going to send you to the door and I’m going to surprise you.

I’m going to give you bear hugs like I’ve never given you before. Things have been easing up around here lately, they started opening up the beaches down here in San Diego so that people could go to them although still responsibly, today the governor announced that they are going to open up the states economy in four different steps, which hopefully means I’ll be able to bring you back for summer like was planned originally.

I’ve been ridiculously busy with work and although it is frustrating at times I’m grateful that I have a career at a time when so many don’t. I’ve been consuming myself with additional work and business ventures to be able to use this time in lockdown and away from you to gain new skills and build something great for you. I’ve been getting crazy amounts of job offers but always further away, Chicago, New York, Boston. None are worth it. You’re an hour flight away and now more than ever I’ll never miss an opportunity to be there every chance I get.

I’ve learned a couple things in this time that I have been unable to hold you, some I already knew, some cemented into my heart. I learned that my biggest fear of you forgetting me and thinking I don’t love you is just that, a F.E.A.R, a False Expectation Appearing Real. I know this because every time I tell you that I love you which seems to be 90 times in a 10 minute phone call, your response is always the same, and it’s so funny... “I know daddy I know, you already told me” and I just have to ask you if you love me back because hearing you say “Ughhh yes daddy I told you yesterday and tomorrow I do daddy, I do love you ok?” makes me laugh and fills my soul.

I also learned I'm still obsessed with you, you’re probably going to get SUPER annoyed, because I’m going to play with your hair, I’m going to hold your hand, I’m going to give you hugs, I’m going to rub your cheeks on mine, and I’m going to give you lots of kisses. I’ll more than likely bite your cheeks too, but I wont be able to help it, I’ve needed you this entire time.

I’ve needed you more than you know.

I think the hardest part for any parent in being away from their children is the feeling of peace and comfort that is absent when we can’t hold you in our arms.

I know it is for me.

I know you’re in good hands, I know you’re in a good place, and I know the people around you, love you. Your mom is a great mother, remember that, always remember that, and with Mother’s Day coming up, make sure you give her lots of kisses, do good listening, and tell her you love her.

I love you so much Jory. You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me, and just the thought of holding you soon pushes me to the edge of my emotions. If ever a daddy has loved his little boy more than comprehension, it’s me for you.

I amo you booger.

I have been waiting for this day for two months.

I’ve waited.

It’s here.

Daddy is coming.