Letters to Jory

True love happens once in life.

That’s what they say anyway.

For me, I believe that’s true. It’s you. It’s only you. When I made the decision I didn’t want any more kids, it was based on the feeling of absolute love I felt for you and the lack of desire to share that with anyone else.

When I made the decision I didn’t want to re-marry and was going to remain focused on you solely for the rest of my life, I felt that love intensify.

I can’t stop thinking about you as every moment of the day passes.

I’ve been locked down in my house for the past 3 weeks with this Coronavirus pandemic going on. I was supposed to jump on a flight this past weekend to be with you.

It was canceled. I’m going crazy.

I’ve had dreams this entire time of you running into my arms. I’ve felt your fingers in my ears. I’ve felt your strands of hair through my fingers. I’ve recalled the scent of your baby lotion. I’ve woken up because I’ve reached over to rub your back and fallen back asleep with the disappointment that it was a dream.

I miss you.

I really really miss you.

Work has been stressful. I’ve had to let people go and that’s been hard because I know some of them have their own “Jory’s” to look after, and with each of them I think of my own Jory.

FaceTime has been great lately. You’re on a hide and seek high, we play non-stop and you give yourself away every single time I say “ready or not, here I come!” because you laugh. Your hair is getting long. It’s messy. I want to play with it and squeeze you until you say “Daddy, daddy, le’go uh mee”

I don’t want to let go.

I don’t want anything else, anyone else.

I just want my Jory.

Your comebacks lately are so funny. I ask you something and you say “Hmm, gimme a minute” and then I do and it usually turns into you watching a show or playing with your toys and ignoring me, but at least I guess in a way, I’m with you. I’ve been completely addicted to watching your baby videos again. I stare at your pictures for hours.

I love you Jory.

I promise you there will never be anyone else.

It’s me and you and I promise you I will forever maintain that focus.

Remember that no matter what, daddy is here. Daddy will always be here. I can’t wait for this craziness to end because when it does, we are going to make up for the missed time. Until then...

“I promise that I’ll hold you when it’s cold out, when we lose our winter coats in the spring, cause lately I was thinking I never told you....

that every time I see you my heart sings.”

-Dad