Letter #2 - Prepping for you.
I will never forget the feeling when it sunk in that you were coming.
I was really scared, but like I said I was also really excited.
It was always my dream to come home and live in San Diego, it was always my dream to raise a family filled with memories of the beach, surfing, baseball, aunts and uncles, diverse food, diverse culture and to embrace different walks of life.
I knew I had to go back to Utah, and that really saddened me.
Your mom has always been a very small woman in stature, the kind you can pick up with one arm, I knew she would need my help through the pregnancy, I remember flying up to meet with her and heading to Rumbi’s Island Grill, I could barely eat. I knew I had to man up and be the dad you would need, and although I really believe that neither one of us wanted to be together, we knew we had to try for you. Remember that man that I told you taught me the skill of sales? He was my first phone call, and without him saying, I knew what he expected of me, and in that moment without any hesitation I prepared myself to be a father.
At the time I was working as a sales manager for a residential automation company, I would go door-to-door and sell. It actually provided us a very comfortable life. This time I had a different motivation. You. I had teamed up with a buddy of mine named Adam, we had picked the city of Fayetteville, North Carolina to go sell for the selling season, your Tio Lance came with us and I never told him then, but I was very grateful that he was there.
There wasn’t a single moment that I didn’t think about what you would look like, I used to think about what your cry would sound like, I used to think about what your hands would feel like, what your voice would sound like, I even used to think about what your baby breath would smell like. I wondered if when you looked at me as a baby if you would know who I was.
We didn’t know if you were a boy or a girl, and I was really scared that you were going to be a girl, because if I’m being honest, I never wanted a girl, girls scare me. I think a lot of that fear is based on society today and how lost it seems.
When we went in for the ultrasound and we found out you were a boy, I was so excited that I actually think I startled your mom and the ultrasound technician.
I remember looking for baby clothes, diapers, a crib, a car seat, and I remember thinking, “damn, this little dude isn’t even here yet and he’s already spending all my money.“
I could not have been happier.
Your mom was pure belly throughout the pregnancy, and bro let me tell you, you were a big boy. Your mom tried to do as many activities as she could, but you definitely wore her down. North Carolina was definitely not the funnest place either, very country, very remote, very quiet. We had a few friends out there, but not really anybody super close other than Lance and Adam, but they were more my friends than your moms. I felt bad that your mom didn’t really have anybody to help her or guide her through the pregnancy, but looking back on it now, it was very selfless of her to support me in my career and be there, even though the relationship between us was not the best, and even though the pregnancy was tough on her little body.
One of the funniest things that happened was we had gotten our dog, a dog. Let me explain that, when your mom and I were dating we got a little French bulldog together; Brindle colored, He was beautiful. His name was Marshall. When your mom was pregnant she was nervous that Marshall would feel lonely, so we found this Russian lady in Florida and had her meet us halfway in South Carolina so that we could buy Marshall another little Frenchie. Her name was Ruby, she was a handful, and I don’t know how your mom pulled it off. She was difficult to potty train, she was stubborn, and Marshall at first didn’t really take to her, after a while he would be obsessed with her. We literally did it so that Marshall wouldn’t feel awkward, and yes we are talking about a dog, because we knew once you arrived all attention was going to be on you.
We prepared as best as we could, we had never done this before, we didn’t know what we were getting into, we just knew that you were coming, that we loved you immensely, and that we couldn’t wait to meet you.
We probably made the same preparation mistakes that most people do with their first child, but I don’t think either one of us were really scared. We knew by then what we were going to name you, and then, just like now, I couldn’t get enough of your name.
I loved it then.
I love it now.
Jory Jude.
My Jory Jude.
And soon enough, you were going to change our world forever.
-Dad